A psychotherapist's perspective on New Year's resolutions that support mental resilience in 2023.
Most of us have probably set a goal that now is the time to lose those extra five kilos, stop smoking or increase our savings – only to find a few weeks later that the weight has risen, smoking has increased and the bank account remains empty. Hardly the best motivation to try another resolution the following year. So how can we approach it if we genuinely want change and growth? Let us take a closer look at the idea of New Year's resolutions.
Where do New Year's resolutions come from?
Although New Year's resolutions may seem clichéd, the idea is more than 4,000 years old, dating back to Babylonian times. Resolutions originally involved returning borrowed tools. In ancient Rome, they developed into promises to be kind to others, while today they are mostly associated with personal development. Looking more closely at those two older traditions, we may find something useful for strengthening our mental health in 2023.
Returning borrowed ‘tools’
As we grow up, we are given many more or less useful ‘tools’. These might include how we handle conflict, whether we see the glass as half empty or half full, or whether we are highly sensitive and empathetic. We are shaped by our upbringing and by what parents, educators, teachers and friends were able to offer us physically, socially, mentally and emotionally, for better and for worse. Children cannot choose many of these influences, but adulthood changes that. We become responsible for creating the life we want. We may also realise that some of the ‘tools’ we inherited do not take us where we want to go. Recognising that we have a choice and can ‘return borrowed tools’ can free us from unhelpful ways of being and allow us to develop new ones. For most people, this resolution will extend over several years or even a lifetime. By considering which tools should belong in our toolbox now, we can gradually replace old ones or acquire new ones.
Be kind to others
Research has shown that kindness and caring for others are important aspects of physical and mental health. This is a resolution everyone can take part in. It might mean holding a door, caring for an animal, helping someone move, volunteering or supporting a grieving friend. The possibilities are almost limitless. Studies indicate that actively choosing kindness can lower blood pressure, support the immune system, increase our sense of meaning and make us measurably happier – quite a benefit from a New Year's resolution.
A little more about New Year's resolutions
When choosing an achievable resolution, consider whether your goal is about doing more or less, or about being more or less. Many resolutions focus on doing and rely on measurable goals: losing a certain amount, running a certain distance or visiting particular people. These external goals are perfectly valid. There is also value in resolutions that cannot be measured in the same way: how do I want to be in the world towards my partner, children, colleagues and strangers? Do I want to step in and help someone who is lost? Do I want to be tolerant, forgiving and patient? Do I want to listen to myself more closely? Actively choosing what kind of person you want to be and which values you want to live by can clarify whether you are where you want to be.
Support for your New Year's resolution
Many of us believe we should be able to manage everything alone, including New Year's resolutions. Yet just as research shows that helping and caring for others makes us happier and healthier, we know that each of us sometimes needs a helping hand. It can therefore be useful to involve one or more people who can support your resolution – a partner, a good friend or a therapist. Having someone witness the meaningful parts of your life creates commitment and strengthens relationships, helping to make life meaningful.
Louise Haibrock is a qualified psychotherapist and social educator with a practice in central Hillerød. Read more at psykisksundhed.nu